Hello, gamers! Today, we step into a realm far more challenging and awkward than any battle you have ever undertaken. It's called the real world. And the people in it, well, they're just different. This is the first of our series on dealing with a world far more mundane than the one we are used to in PC gaming. In the first of our series, we'll be focusing on the low points of everyday conversation.
Mastering Small Talk
Small talk is the art of talking about... well, just about anything that keeps the awkward silences at bay. A favorite is the weather, so when someone mentions it or asks about your weekend (another favorite), think of it as a quick side mission.
Answer back with “Yeah, it’s nice out,” and get on with your day.
Now, when someone asks, “How’s it going?” they’re not ready for the saga of your last raid. Keep it simple, like “Good, you?” It’s effective but requires minimal effort. They don't really want to know about your weekend, and you probably don't want to tell them about it. So brevity is a win-win, unless two people are asking you in a group, then it's a win-win-win. Simple math.
From Emotes to Emotions
In the real world, people use facial expressions instead of emotes. Weird, right? So they have to make their face look like the emotes we type on the daily. A smile is like a 🙂 , and a laugh is just like a 😂. Practice these in front of a mirror; much easier to type happy cry face than react with one to a really bad joke.
Long Form Language
Life outside of the gaming universe can sometimes be a waste of time. Traffic lights. Slow checkout clerks. Socks to put on. Work. But the biggest time thief is how people use full words, rather than abbreviations. Here's how to translate gamer speak into real world speak.
- GG (Good Game): Instead of dropping a “GG” in the office after a meeting, try “Nice work, everyone.” It’s corporate for “We totally crushed it, but I’m playing it cool.”
- AFK (Away From Keyboard): In the real world, just say “Be right back.” If you say “AFK”, brace yourself for the blank stares. And not just from the strange co-worker who wears turtlenecks in the summer. That dude constantly stares. But non-creepers will stare too, if you say that.
- Pwned: If you happen to own someone, resist the urge to say “pwned.” Go with a nonchalant “rematch tomorrow,” followed by an awkward smirk and confident gait to the coffee machine.
Socializing: Multiplayer Mode Without the Fun
Social events are like multiplayer games, but with clingy guys named Reggie who says things like, "Fun Party, huh?" In these situations, people talk about things like gas mileage, taxes, and rashes, but only if you are part of the inner circle. Engage in the conversation like you’re gathering intel for a mission. Nod, smile, and maybe throw in a “That’s interesting.” But we all know it isn't. Even the person saying it knows.
Logging Off: A Graceful Goodbye
Exiting a conversation is an art like know other. It's like finding an escape route after a botched stealth mission. Instead of disappearing into the shadows with a French exit, try “I’ve got a big day tomorrow, but it was great catching up!” It’s polite, yet vague enough to make a swift and mysterious exit.
Retreat to Your Natural Habitat
There you have it, brave souls. You’ve now got the basics to survive out there in the wilds of the real world. There are other things you should know, about hair gel, skinny jeans and the proper way to put TP on the dispenser, but we will leave that for another day. You've got enough on your mind. Just remember, these are side quests. Your main quest – conquering virtual worlds from the comfort of your gaming chair – awaits your triumphant return.
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